Happy 2016! (I realize it’s February now and I’m just getting around to saying that.) To address the elephant in the virtual room, I’ve been a little MIA. Let’s just cut to the chase and I can tell you why. There are a couple of reasons.
First, holy busy.
I squeezed so much into the last part of 2015 that I can’t even remember it all. Aside from the normal holiday madness, I was back and forth between Ithaca and Michigan – spending the last month of the year in Michigan. Which is great! Except… packing. Oh yeah, and we made a little temporary move to Australia at the beginning of January so I had to pack and prepare for that months in advance. We’re here and it’s beautiful and warm and wonderful, but more on that later. The prep work left me not much energy for blogging.
Second, being present.
Knowing I would be gone for three months, I wanted to soak up all the time I could with my friends and family. That’s typically the M.O. for holiday time anyway, but I wanted to be extra intentional about spending time with people I wouldn’t see for a while. So I soaked them in and left you guys out. Sorry about that. (I’m actually not sorry about that.)
Lastly, principle. And maybe some fear?
The past months (and probably years) have been a time of tremendous change. It’s been constant adjustment – and then readjustment. I realize what it looks like from the outside – I have traveled the world with a handsome man with whom I share my name; I work from home in my pajamas every day for a company that is both supportive and driven; I have the cutest pup on the planet (okay maybe that’s biased); I still have time to do some work that further fulfills my passions while drinking what seems like a constant stream of coffee and/or wine; and I have very limited responsibilities in the grand scheme of things. It’s spontaneous and adventurous and flat out lucky. And I am so aware of the blessings this life has dropped in my lap (and those I’ve worked hard for as well). But let me tell you, all of that wonderfulness has its side of struggles and I’ve been feeling those – and probably licking my wounds in the corner a bit.
Adventure = constant change. And that can be unsettling, especially for someone like me who likes to nest just as much as she likes to explore. I’ve had to make a lot of decisions about my life at a pace that is a little uncomfortable for me – and that can be daunting and scary and lonely.
So why has this pulled me away from this little corner of the internet that I call my own? Because the world today is full of people putting their best face first on their blogs, Instagram accounts, Facebook – whatever. On principle, I don’t want to be part of that machine that only churns out the good. Yes, life is beautiful. But it’s also an effing mess. And mine is no exception.
I’ve taken a little time to just focus on myself and not worry about keeping everyone else up with the latest happenings. Yes, I’ve been working and living and creating – but I’ve also been thinking and praying and soul-searching – and I wasn’t sure I was ready to share that process yet. And it didn’t feel authentic to act like all is only grand and lovely. There’s enough of that already – it’s not an expectation I want to perpetuate.
Now let’s look forward. I’ve been late/nervous/confused on formulating my 2016 goals into pretty, concise packages, but I think I’m getting closer to nailing those down now and figuring out how they fit into what I really want out of life. That sounds like an enormously daunting task but I am going to heed the advice of one of my very best ladyfriends: You eat an elephant one bite at a time. I’m just settling into being okay with lots of pieces that don’t necessarily look like they fit together yet.
Thanks for following along – even if there’s been a lull. As we all are, I’m doing the best I can.